Asylum Stories

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Asylum Stories

Post  Andromeda on Wed Aug 08, 2012 8:43 am

Short stories from my asylum crossover.

Patients
Seto, Pegasus, Ryuuji, Ryou, Hitachiin twins, Eiri, Naruto, Tony, Bruce, Clint, Ryuichi, Near, Mello, Spike, Envy, Schuldig, Farfarello, Watari, Yuki, Ritsu, Loki, Andi, Amon, Riddler, Reid

Staff
Tohma, Temari, Natasha, Sweets, Daniel, Janet, Carson, Kyouya, Tara, Mori, Thor, Darcy, Fred, George, Yohji, Walter

With random cameos by other characters.


Last edited by Andromeda on Wed Aug 29, 2012 9:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Black Widow

Post  Andromeda on Wed Aug 08, 2012 8:44 am

"Natasha is not an undercover KGB assassin!"
"She's Russian," Tony pointed out, as if that was reason enough to assume someone was secretly a hired killer. A Nerf arrow to the forehead knocked him off of his chair. "Yes, there's a mature and eloquent argument," he called from the floor.
Clint shrugged down at him from his perch on top of the TV stand. "Stupidity deserves violence."
"Are we sure he's not a killer?" asked Bruce wryly.
The others all shook their heads.
Loki grinned and started singing to Clint. "Her love is a gun, her love is a blade, she's a killer. Bitch is insane, she deals in pain, she's a killer." The others stared, argument momentarily abandoned in favor of shock that Loki even knew that kind of music; all except Tony, who nodded approvingly at the KISS song and joined in. "She'll cut you clean, then she'll watch you bleed, so ob-"
They were cut off by Ryuuji clapping a hand over each of their mouths, though he shrieked and pulled away when Loki licked him. He pointed at Tony. "You, stop corrupting the youth with your music. And you" - he turned to Loki - "don't say 'bitch'. You can't pull off anything fouler than 'crud'." As Loki sulked, he turned back to the others and asked "So, where were we?"
"Evil KGB assassin?"
"Right, thanks. She is far too attractive to be a mere nurse."
Clint scowled. "Pretty does not equal murderous. Why are you even involved? You're neither paranoid nor Loki."
"Neither is Kyuubi."
Kyuubi emerged from his candy stash behind the sofa, sucking on a lollipop. "I could totally be Loki. Blond, blue-eyed, incredibly skilled at pissing people off. We're twins!"
"Twins?" Loki instantly perked up and linked arms with Kyuubi. "Twins! And twins always have special powers, so if we say Natasha kills people we're right. She killed Shino."
Clint sighed. "Loki, Shino was released when he stopped eating bugs."
"Well what about Eris?"
"Transferred to another hospital after she tried to seduce Mr. Seguchi."
"Bruce?"
"He's standing next to you!"
"And Aya?"
"... Ok, he's actually kinda got a point there. Has anyone seen Aya lately?"
The others shook their heads. Tony shrugged. "Not since he was waving that broomstick over his head yelling 'Takatori.' Didn't he run into Natasha in the hall?"
"And nearly crack her over the head with his broom?" Bruce added.
"... And she did that flippy shit and took him down with her ankles." Clint looked defeated. "Ok, she might be an assassin. But she's not KGB!"
"Russian" Tony repeated stubbornly.
"I thought the KGB didn't exist anymore" pointed out Loki, emerging from Kyuubi's candy stash. Kyuubi snatched the chocolate out of his hands. "Hey, twins share!"
"That's what they want you to think," stated Bruce darkly.
"They want me to think twins share?"
"They want you to think the KGB was dissolved. They just operate underground now, hiding behind a different name, killing whoever the government wants them to."
Ryuuji froze. "So what you're saying is, she's not just an assassin, but a legal one? She could kill us right now and the Russians would cover it up, because she's the law?"
And from behind them, in a thick Russian accent, they heard "In Soviet Russia, law breaks you."
Once the group had scattered - each of them suddenly remembering they had to be somewhere else, or simply disappearing - Clint frowned at Natasha. "Why is it you always pick the worst times to get a sense of humor? Now they'll never believe you aren't a killer." She shrugged, uncaring. "Well you can forget about me defending you any more. They'll just end up calling me an assassin too."
"Really, Barton? What kind of assassin never touches the ground?" She stopped and feigned being deep in thought. "Except, of course, a sniper." There was a soft gasp from behind the couch, and she grinned wickedly at him. He sighed and shook his head.
"One of these days, Nat..."
"Barton, I'd like to see you try."


Last edited by Andromeda on Thu Aug 30, 2012 8:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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For Science!

Post  Andromeda on Wed Aug 29, 2012 9:49 pm

"This is ridiculous. I'm only here because lesser minds can't properly appreciate my genius. To fools, wisdom must seem insane."
Zelenka muttered something that wasn't English but was clearly insulting. Rodney kept trying to learn Czech, but he would soon get distracted. There was always more science to be done, after all.
"Regular therapy is a condition of your continued employment, Rodney, as you are well aware. Now let us get this over with. It will be fine." They entered the building - and were greeted by Metallica's Sanitarium blaring from every room.
Welcome to where time stands still
No one leaves and no one will
Moon stays full, never seems to change
Just labeled mentally deranged
Dream the same dream every night
I see our freedom in my sight
No locked doors, no windows barred
No things to make my brain seem scarred
Sleep my friend and you will see
The dream is my reality
They keep me locked up in this cage
Can't they see it's why my brain says rage
SANITARI-

A crash was heard over the intercom, and a painfully sharp burst of static. Rodney turned around and walked right back out the front door.
A short time later Rodney was being marched toward the on-duty doctor's office with Zelenka on one side and a very tall blond security guard on the other. Another security guard was approaching from the other direction, with a taser pressed to the small of a patient's back.
"Hey, Thor! Three guesses who was responsible for this morning's lame rock interlude." Thor looked puzzled.
"Friend Darcy, I had assumed Tony was the guilty party. Why else should you be escorting him to see Dr. Jackson?"
"... Yes Thor, you're right, it was Tony." He looked pleased with himself for figuring it out. Tony, meanwhile, was looking Rodney over.
"No new prisoners - sorry, patients - coming in today, so you must be an outpatient. Suicidal? Schizophrenic? Here to complain that Daddy never hugged you enough? Shut up Darcy, I know I'm the king of Daddy issues. So what's your story?"
"I demonstrated my genius, and some people weren't prepared to handle the effects."
"Rodney, you destroyed an island."
"Five sixths of an island! It was uninhabited anyway, I don't see why everyone's making a fuss." Zelenka muttered another curse as the female security guard opened the door.
"Vala, I'm working. I don't have time for - " The doctor froze as they all poured into the room. The very attractive brunette straddling his lap just waved and smiled brightly.
"Hello. I'm Vala, Daniel's girlfriend. Would someone please tell him it's hardly fair to spend all his time at work and not allow me to visit? I'm feeling unappreciated. And horny."
Darcy fell on her ass laughing. Zelenka was slowly beating his head against the wall and Thor was trying to remove Vala from a horrified Daniel without hurting her, so Tony went back to Rodney.
"Blew up an island, huh?"
"I came very close to solving the energy crisis. I just needed a stronger containment field. You apparently sneak onto the loudspeakers to play bad music."
"Hey, give me a little credit. I put effort into my pranks. I built an intercom from parts scavenged around this place and installed it in every single room - several of which, you'll note, patients do not have access to. What else can I do? They won't let me talk to my AI, and no one else can keep up with me."
In spite of himself, Rodney was intrigued. "You have a genuinely intelligent AI?"
"Intelligence is easy. JARVIS is sarcastic. That's right, my AI has personality."
"You might be worth talking to after all."
"Also, not to rain on your parade, but I had free energy licked years ago. I had a model reactor very close to working when they threw me in here."
"You built the model before you had a working theory?"
Tony looked unimpressed. "You're a form-follows-function type, then? Way to sit firmly within the mold. Although... If your theory was sound..." He checked out the others. Vala had wrapped herself completely around Daniel's torso, tipping the chair over. Thor was trying to get them off of the floor while Daniel begged Vala to just wait for him at home, and Darcy was introducing Zelenka to the benefits of using loud music to pretend you were somewhere else. He was engrossed with her Ipod at the moment. Darcy just rolled her eyes at the two patients and nodded at the door.
"Go on, you know you want to."
"What do you say we get out of here?" Tony held out his hand. "Tony Stark."
Hesitantly, suspiciously, Rodney took the offered hand and they shook briefly. "Dr. Rodney McKay."
"So... science?"
"Science."
They slipped out of the office and back to Tony's room. There were schematics and equations scribbled across the walls, and what looked like a diagram of a brand-new element across the ceiling; Rodney couldn't figure out how Tony had even reached that high. Tony dug through his drawer and pulled out a stack of papers covered in further scribbling. He thrust a blank sheet and a pen at Rodney.
"Give me your theory. I've got the reactor schematics here somewhere..." He found them under his pillow and began going over the finer points of generating a containment field, while Rodney rattled off equations rapid-fire. It was a mark of respect that they both restrained themselves from the patronizing tone with which you'd talk to a child; on Rodney's part in particular it required significant effort.
Once he had it all written out Rodney handed his paper off to Tony, who accepted it absentmindedly then froze, staring at the sheet in his hand.
"Did you just... and I... Never mind, science."
Vala did eventually leave, hitting on everyone at least once on her way out. Thor set Daniel and his chair upright again, and the good doctor promptly collapsed on his desk and declared he was in no shape to give therapy. Only then did he realize Tony and Rodney were gone. He and the two security guards took off in search of the wayward scientists.
Zelenka didn't even notice. He was sitting in the corner with his eyes closed, listening to Darcy's girl-power music and pretending he was somewhere very far away.
They found Tony lounging on his bed, pouring over a sheet of figures and gesturing wildly as he described the advantages of a flying suit over a jet-pack. Rodney was pacing across the paper-strewn floor, stubbornly insisting that steering with repulsors was impractical and Tony would get himself killed before he got the hang of it. He didn't even acknowledge the intrusion, but Tony gave Daniel his most charming smile.
"Hey, Doc. You seemed to have your hands full - and what a handful she is - so I took it upon myself to keep our guest entertained and out of trouble. No, no need to thank me, just doing my part. This would be a much happier place if we all started chipping in. Also if you stopped serving mystery meat for lunch. I am very rich, I'm completely willing to contribute toward the 'Give the Patients Meals They Can Actually Recognize' fund. But I digress. And hey, I noticed I digress, this is progress. My original point was I was helping, we're kind of saving the world here, and can I keep him? He can have Bruce's bed."
"... And where would Bruce sleep?"
"We can share. He's actually pretty cuddly, when he's not a mass of violent rage. He's like a teddy bear, except full-sized and capable of throwing you around like a rag-doll if you piss him off. So more like a real bear, actually. But cuddly."
Daniel sighed and shook his head. "No Tony, you can't keep him. Dr. McKay is leaving now."
"But we're making Earth-shattering discoveries! Free energy!"
"You can continue that some other time. Darcy, would you please inform Dr. Zelenka that he can take Dr. McKay home?"
Tony started in with "I'm keeping him, this is far too important for you to get in the way" while Rodney launched into "Of course you wouldn't understand, you've got one Ph.D., and in psychiatry of all things."
Daniel rubbed the bridge of his nose and quietly, calmly, said "I'll call Miss Potts."
Tony shut up. So did Rodney, if only in confusion. This was Pepper's date night with Happy. If she was interrupted to come deal with Tony he was going to pay for it.
He pouted childishly, but shrugged and said "Fine." He tossed a casual wave goodbye at Rodney and focused suddenly on his papers, to all appearances completely tuned out to everyone around him. A muttering Rodney allowed himself to be led away, Thor went back to... whatever he'd been doing before, and Daniel returned to his office to drown his frustration in coffee, rather wishing he was the sort to drink on the job.
As soon as they were gone Tony grabbed a fresh sheet and began sketching, with the same manic energy he always had when building something. Next time he was going to have the concept art to back up his ideas; and he'd see if Rodney still mocked the repulsors when he saw what Tony planned to do with them.
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